Again for everyone, but specifically to the learning men:::
These are quick starting points that require only intentional effort and caring, you can do these things now.
React with Gratitude Instead of Defensiveness
When someone presents us with a new way of thinking about things--or if they tell us that we caused them harm--practice reacting by thanking them for telling you, and then give what they said some thought. Although it’s easy to become defensive when we hear something that challenges our beliefs, accountability is actually a gift that helps us do better into the future.
Challenge Victim Blaming
Instead of questioning choices made by someone who experienced sexual violence, think critically about the behaviours of the person who engaged in that behaviour in the first place. Understand that no one is ever responsible for something someone else chose to do to them.. Acknowledge the impact that victim-blaming has on our society, and think critically about how our society encourages this way of thinking.
Adjust Your Language
Recognize that the words and phrases we use can be harmful and contribute to rape culture. Take stock of the words and phrases you use. If you use language that equates sexual violence with success or victory, challenge yourself to change that.
There will come a time where you need to take what you've learned to your fellow men. And we need you to foster empathy and support for survivors to those men. By this point hopefully you're actively engaging and self-reflection, education, and supportive actions.
More tools for you as you go forward.
Create safe spaces for open dialogue: Encourage and facilitate conversations where men can openly discuss their thoughts, feelings, and experiences regarding sexual violence, consent, and masculinity. These discussions should be non-judgmental and supportive, allowing for honest reflection and learning.
Educate each other: Share resources, such as articles, books, documentaries, and workshops, that provide information on the impact of sexual violence, the experiences of survivors, and the importance of consent. Education helps in breaking down misconceptions and biases.
Model empathetic behavior: Lead by example by demonstrating empathy, active listening, and respect when discussing sensitive topics. Show that it’s okay to be vulnerable and express emotions, which can encourage other men to do the same.
Challenge harmful attitudes and behaviors: When witnessing or hearing sexist jokes, victim-blaming, or dismissive comments, speak up and challenge these attitudes. Explain why such behaviors are harmful and how they contribute to a culture that undermines survivors.
Encourage self-reflection: Promote the importance of self-awareness and reflection on one's own attitudes and behaviors. Encourage men to consider how their actions and words may impact others and to strive for continuous personal growth.
Support accountability: Foster a culture where men hold each other accountable for their actions. This can involve gently calling out harmful behaviors and encouraging peers to take responsibility and make amends when necessary.
Highlight the importance of consent: Regularly discuss and emphasize the significance of enthusiastic, informed, and mutual consent in all interactions. Normalize conversations about consent in everyday life to reinforce its importance.
Promote allyship and advocacy: Encourage men to become allies and advocates for survivors by supporting organizations and initiatives that work to end sexual violence. Participating in awareness campaigns, attending events, and volunteering can help reinforce a commitment to change.
Use storytelling and empathy exercises: Engage in exercises that build empathy, such as listening to survivor stories (with their consent), reading first-person accounts, or participating in role-playing activities that encourage perspective-taking.
Foster mentorship and peer support: Establish mentorship programs where men can support and guide each other in understanding and advocating for survivors. Peer support groups can provide a structured environment for ongoing learning and mutual encouragement.
By actively engaging in these practices, men can help create a more empathetic and supportive environment for survivors, challenge harmful cultural norms, and contribute to the dismantling of rape culture and patriarchy.
My goal in all this was to compile tools and general resources for everyone. To empower and equip everyone to help us all feel safe.
Please take this, share this, use this. LEARN AND BE BETTER PEOPLE!
This is a labor of love from me to my fellow survivors and to the cisgender men trying to keep all genders safe from this predatory rape culture that has to be stopped for us all to live and thrive.
~~ Ginge