P4- Engaging with gratitude, not arguing.
How to discern the next steps when it's not going smoothly.
Jumping right in…..
What to do if you're engaging with men arguing/not believing us…
^^Personal note: This is something I’ve encountered in my conversational gambles… I allow limited leash for them in these conversations.
I will reiterate that: boundaries are imperative and I encourage you to have your own boundaries.. I leave it to your discretion—brave survivor/dear reader—for how much of your emotional labor you want to chance for good or bad in these conversations. ^^
Convincing someone to stop arguing with your experiences can be challenging, especially when it comes to deeply ingrained beliefs or biases. Convincing men to acknowledge their role in rape culture and patriarchy requires a multifaceted approach that includes education, dialogue, and self-reflection. Here are some strategies that might help:
Stay Calm: Maintain a calm demeanor to keep the conversation productive and avoid escalation.
Set & Assert Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and assert that you do not wish to engage in arguments about your experiences. Politely but firmly assert your right to share your experiences without them being invalidated or dismissed. Let them know that their disbelief or invalidation of your experiences is hurtful and not acceptable.
Foster Empathy & Appeal to empathy: Share personal stories and experiences to help men understand the impact of their actions and the prevalence of these issues. Encourage them to imagine themselves in your shoes and consider how they would feel if someone doubted or invalidated their experiences. Appeal to their empathy by highlighting the emotional impact of their disbelief.
Use "I" statements: Express your feelings and experiences using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I feel hurt when you dismiss my experiences," rather than, "You're wrong for not believing me."
Examine privilege and power dynamics & Reflect on one's own privilege and how it intersects with systems of oppression. Use privilege to empower those benefiting from that privilege. How that privilege can amplify marginalized voices and create space for their perspectives.
Seek Understanding: Try to understand where they’re coming from, which can sometimes open the door to more empathetic dialogue.
Provide Resources: Offer varied educational resources that can help them understand the broader context of your experiences.
A pointed and intentional redirect may be required at any point.. In case of such…
If the person continues to argue despite your efforts, redirect the conversation to a different topic or disengage altogether. Reiterate your boundaries and make it clear that you're not willing to entertain further debate on the matter.
Redirect the conversation:
Disengage if Necessary: If the conversation becomes unproductive or disrespectful, it’s okay to disengage and protect your emotional well-being.
Seek Support: Surround yourself with allies who understand and validate your experiences and can offer support.
Consider professional help: If the situation persists and significantly impacts your well-being, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance on how to navigate difficult conversations and cope with invalidation.
Ultimately, while you can try to persuade someone to stop arguing with your experiences, it's important to prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being. If someone consistently refuses to acknowledge or respect your experiences, it may be necessary to limit or end interactions with them for the sake of your own peace of mind.
Moving on..
By combining these efforts, we can work towards a society where cisgender men are active participants in the fight against rape culture and patriarchy, rather than bystanders or, worse, perpetuators.
This work has to start individually and then grow into communities.
Empathy-building interventions: Studies suggest that interventions aimed at fostering empathy and perspective-taking can be effective in reducing rape myth acceptance and promoting positive attitudes towards survivors. These interventions often involve storytelling, role-playing, or exercises designed to help individuals understand the experiences and perspectives of survivors.
Challenging gender norms: Research indicates that addressing traditional masculinity norms, such as the pressure to be dominant and aggressive, can be instrumental in shifting attitudes towards sexual violence. Interventions that encourage men to redefine masculinity in terms of empathy, respect, and equality may help reduce rape myth acceptance and promote allyship.
Peer education and bystander intervention: Engaging men as peer educators and bystander interventionists has shown promise in preventing sexual violence. By empowering men to intervene in potentially harmful situations and challenge problematic behaviors among their peers, these programs can help create a culture of accountability and support.
Educational campaigns: Public awareness campaigns targeting men and boys can play a crucial role in challenging rape culture and promoting allyship. These campaigns often use multimedia platforms, social media, and community events to raise awareness about sexual violence, consent, and healthy masculinity.
Community mobilization: Engaging men in community-based efforts to prevent sexual violence can foster a sense of collective responsibility and solidarity. Programs that involve cisgender men as allies, advocates, and leaders in grassroots initiatives have the potential to create lasting change at the individual and community levels.
There will be one final installment after this that is very important. Everybody who is engaged in this work —either learning or educating —definitely needs to read the final articlen We need to encourage each other to practice after care and self-care when we walk away from these conversations.
~~Ginge